Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Transition, Change, Uncertainty & Fear

Tomorrow, I end the part time job I have had for the past year while finishing my grad school program.  Friday I get on a plane and head to Denver for the graduation ceremony from my program.  I return next week to start a whole new job on Wednesday, all the while continuing to prepare for my oral panels to become a licensed minister in in the midst of all this transition, change and uncertainty, guess who came by to visit...fear.  One of the greatest joys for me right now having finished my studies, is to read books that have been waiting for me on my bookshelf that weren't directly related to my coursework and reread some of my old standbys.  One of them is Ram Dass' "Journey of Awakening".  Here is a quote from Krishnamurti
It is not that you must be free from fear.  The moment you try to free yourself from fear, you create a resistance against fear.  What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it, not how to resist it through courage and so on.
I don't fear that anything bad will happen to me, but I am aware of some anxiety around the unknown.  How many hours will I really work, how will I juggle this with that.  Will I get everything done I want to before I start my job.  Will I forget to "close" anything up with my old work?  How will the plans I have made for trips and vacations work out with my new work schedule...oh shoot, I scheduled a lunch meeting months ago for a week from now with a colleague, will I be able to keep that meeting or have to reschedule, the list can go on and on.

For the past 80 days or so, I have also been meditating everyday and I know that has aided me in staying calm in the midst of uncertainty and constant change.  Meditating has created a space for me to be with my fear and learn about it and from it.  Meditation has created a space for fear to be okay.  Meditating has allowed me to sit with the question, is this fear or concern real or is it something just in my mind?  It has liberated me from the immobilization that fear can hold me in.

Meditation has supported me in my living in so many ways, right now I am grateful for the way meditation holds me in moments of uncertainty and fear.

Start your own personal meditation marathon.  Do 2 minutes a day everyday this summer until September 1st.  Want support on how to do that?

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Love, Light & Laughter,


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